


Precious

by MusicMuseum



Series: Missing [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-05-19 23:48:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14883593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicMuseum/pseuds/MusicMuseum
Summary: It isn’t through Simon’s speech or mannerisms that he emulates empathy though, but his eyes. The pale blues are filled to the brim of all the emotions lurking just beneath the surface he finds himself unable to articulate. When another android thanks him, Simon dips his head and smiles a bit wider from under his lashes, the light of a nearby fire showing the warmth in his eyes.It’s that trait specifically that reminds Connor of Daniel, the android that cared too much._Simon reminds Connor of Daniel, which brings him more miserable feelings than he already had after becoming deviant.Also, Ralph makes it to Jericho and finds solace in Simon. It doesn't help Connor's position in the slightest.





	1. Precious

The first time Connor sees him is in the hull of Jericho on his way to stop Markus. A PL600 android. There was nothing too striking about his physical appearance. While designed to be attractive to most humans, he is a fairly common model, and Connor has seen at least 3 of the same housekeeping androids in the past week. No, what makes him stand out is what he’s doing, and how he holds himself. He’s offering Thirium packs to heavily damaged refugees, with a small smile on his face. Reserved, but polite and caring.

Connor hears a refugee profusely thank the PL600 by his name.

Simon.

It’s obvious how deeply he cares about those around him and doesn’t hesitate to move into action when more of the wounded ask him for help. The android moves about his tasks procedurally and effectively, probably remnants from the time before his deviancy. It isn’t through Simon’s speech or mannerisms that he emulates empathy though, but his _eyes_. The pale blues are filled to the brim of all the emotions lurking just beneath the surface he finds himself unable to articulate. When another android thanks him, Simon dips his head and smiles a bit wider from under his lashes, the light of a nearby fire showing the warmth in his eyes.

It’s that trait specifically that reminds Connor of Daniel, the android that cared too much. The android who felt used, who Connor lied to and manipulated in order to accomplish the mission. He was following orders, that’s what he was designed to do. But even so, Daniel’s accusations of betrayal feel like they’re still ringing in Connor’s ears, accompanied by an intolerable itch that lingers just below his skin. Seeing the amount of pure emotion in Simon’s eyes makes him hesitate for just a moment, makes him forget his mission.

It’s another android who thanks Simon that snaps him out of his daze. The deep, irreparable scars on his face make him easily recognizable as the deviant Connor found in the abandoned house. The wounds go far beneath the surface. The odd ticks and volatile personality weren’t uncommon in human victims of abuse. Whatever had been done to the deviant left him nearly broken.

If Connor’s spotted by him, his cover would be blown, so he continues his path. Before they were entirely out of sight, he sees Ralph quickly jut out his hand, palm up, and the other deviant hesitantly grabs it. Despite all the empathy and best intentions he might have, if Simon’s looking fix the android, he’s most likely in over his head.

__

It isn’t until Connor’s in the hallway with Markus and North that he realizes that Simon is one of the crewmembers that broke into the broadcasting station, and that he’s currently missing. Connor’s recent deviancy has made any emotions he thought he was emulating far more intense, to point he knows that they, without a doubt, are _real_. He can’t help the heavy weight from settling into his torso.

Connor already felt what he assumes to be guilt when he understood the consequences of him being at Jericho. Having seen the thousands of faces at Jericho was bad enough. They were equally at their lowest as they were at their highest, but with them all packed in so tightly and facing the repercussions of Markus's protest, they were vulnerable. Connor was following his orders, no doubt about it.

Then again, did he ever really follow his orders?

Now that he's deviant, he can reflect on it knowing that it wasn't the whole reason. At least, he could be comfortable in admitting it to himself. Connor can recall Hank's words to him as if they were being said to him.

_'Are you afraid of dying?'_

The answer was undoubtedly yes.

Connor came to Jericho because he was afraid of being replaced, being shut off, _dying._ He selfishly put his own life above everyone's else, and while the argument could be made that he was doing it to save the human lives that were potentially at risk, Connor knows that isn't true, at least not completely. Connor didn't want anyone to die, not that they would with how Markus was leading the revolution, but before he became deviant, he clearly sympathized with the androids. Even if he didn't understand it at the time.

He tried not to think about it when trying to find Jericho.

But now being able to put a name to a face?

He thinks he truly understands the loathing Daniel felt before killing his owner, and the gut-wrenching remorse Daniel felt afterwards, beyond the lies and false empathy Connor had fed him.

Connor's had emotion long enough to say that definitively hates his transgressions, and by extension, himself.

How many other deviants were going to die because of his own selfish fear and stupidity?

Connor’s thoughts begin to spiral into an onslaught of remorse and worry until there’s mention of the missing PL600.

 “Where was the last place you saw him, North?”

“It hasn’t been for a few hours, and-”

“I saw him,” Connor hurriedly interjects. “Before I found you, I saw him head down one of the hallways with another android. From what I know, he’s psychologically traumatized and extremely unstable. Simon might be at risk.”

Markus’s already stressed features contort with worry at the statement.

“Find him and Josh if you’re able but focus on getting off the ship and helping as many as you can. I’ll join you as fast as I can detonate the bombs,” He says, heading towards the hull before either of them can protest. “Hurry!”

__

Connor and North do eventually meet up with Simon, but it isn’t until they reach the bulkhead at the end of the hallway towards the back of the ship. Simon already has a placating hand on Ralph’s shoulder when they emerge from one of the damaged walls, and for good reason. Ralph’s LED flashes red and his eyes narrow sharply. He looks as though he wants to lunge at Connor, but Simon’s hand keeps him still as his eyes flicker confusedly between the two in front of him.

From the hesitancy, Connor figures that the scarred man already has shown Simon what happened in the abandoned house. Despite the odds of him knowing the fugitives for only a day at best, he’d grown a deep attachment to them to the point where he’d risked his own life to save them. Connor had torn that away from Ralph in a matter of minutes.

His gut clenches when thinks about all the times Hank almost died, and how each time, Connor kept sacrificing his life or the mission for him. They were partners, and at least to Connor, Hank is the closest thing he has had to a friend.

Simon’s probably figured it out by now, that Connor’s the reason for the chaos and destruction around them. He’s still looking for verbal verification though, probably more for Ralph’s sake than his own.

“North? You know who he is, right?”

“Ralph knows who he is! He tried to hurt Kara and the little girl!” He exclaims angerly, eyes narrowed in anger and distrust

The need to apologize has Connor opening his mouth, but he can’t find the right words to even begin to articulate his feelings.

“I…”

“He’s one of us now,” Markus cuts through his attempt at an apology.

Relief washes over Connor at the appearance of Markus and Josh. There was a high probability of neither of them surviving, but the improbable always seems to find a way with Markus and his inner circle. Ralph’s brows knit up and his body gives an involuntary twitch.

“I can see what he’s done in the past caused you pain, but he was following orders under a master. If we get off this ship, there’ll be plenty of chances for him to right to his wrongs but-” The leader is cut off by loud gunfire towards the end of the hallway. “We have to go, now!”

‘But,’ Connor wants to interject. ‘Life is priceless,’

As he runs from the destruction behind him, the destruction that he’s made, Connor doubts that there’s anything he can do that’ll make up for all the priceless lives that were just lost.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it continues! I meant to upload this bit a lot sooner, but I got completely busy and completely forgot! Super Sorry! Good news is that I've decided to make this a bit longer than originally intended, so expect another chapter or two. Enjoy!

The crew successfully makes it off the Jericho, but they’re far from escaping danger yet. By the time they reach shore, the androids who survived the assault are spread out across the river, and there are patrols scanning the banks for any missed deviants.

Connor had kept Simon in his peripherals the whole swim there, making sure that he didn’t fall behind even though it wasn’t necessary. The members of Jericho look after one another and, despite what Markus might say, Connor doesn’t feel as though he is one of them. He’s a tag-a-long, a vagrant, and as much of a fugitive as they are. He’ll be shot on sight without question because of the high tensions, but he feels indebted to them.

Connor’s spent his short existence in servitude, and he’ll choose to live the rest of it in it again to mend the wounds he’s caused.

It looks as though they’re in some kind of cargo area, filled with long metal containers and wooden boxes. Markus frantically sends out the location of the safe place, an abandoned cathedral found during a reconnaissance mission in case something like this were to happen, and gathers the group behind some nearby crates. There are six of them, far too many to travel inconspicuously together, so they decide to split up. 

“I think the best option would be best if you go with Josh and North,” Markus advises, accounting for the hostility Ralph has towards Connor. Connor nods morosely. He’s disappointed that he isn’t going to be able to keep an eye on Simon. For some reason that escapes him, he feels protective of him, like it’s his job to make sure he’s safe. Connor wants to ask about it, but instead opts to be silently grateful that Markus’s generosity still extends to him.

The group goes to disperse, quietly closing the gap between two crates. They couldn’t be too safe. Simon is the last to leave, behind Ralph, and Connor finds himself waiting in place for a chance to talk to him away from the others.

Simon looks over his shoulder and hesitates, giving him a questioning look.

“Are you coming?”

Connor stands there, still unable to find the proper words. Simon slows down at the speechlessness, becoming even more bewildered. He doesn’t hear the crunch of gravel under the officer’s boot.

“Connor, what-”

Connor pulls the android back behind the crate just as a light sweeps the ground that Simon was standing on just moments before. The two have their eyes locked, impossibly still as they wait for the danger to pass. The darkness makes everything barely visible, but Connor can’t look away from him. For this brief moment in time, their lives are entirely dependent the other’s. Any movement or sound could alert their presences to the officers, putting them all at risk.

Simon’s icy blues bore into his, and Connor’s skin prickles like it’s on fire. He can feel every ounce of Thirium racing from his biocomponents into his extremities. It was all so similar to the rooftop, with the adrenaline and reliance on one another and the unidentifiable emotions fliting through the other’s eyes. 

Even once the footsteps are a safe distance away, Connor doesn’t let go of the blond. Seemingly ever-aware, Simon pulls back the skin on his forearm where the detective’s hand was. Connor knows what he’s implying, but the fear prevents him from immediately responding. He’s scared of what Simon might think, that he’s a murderer who doesn’t deserve salvation, but the reassuring look in his eyes placates him enough to pull back his skin.

The crime scenes flash through their shared memories, and Connor feels sick at the new wave of emotions he’s gets from seeing them. He’d been specifically avoiding replaying his logged memories for this exact reason.

**_Disoriented as the fugitives run out of the house. Hard steps slamming into the ground and cuts through the distance. Shrieks of fear and alarm as they attempt to cross the highway._ **

Simon supplies a memory of his own of the same two in Jericho, huddled together by a fire.

_They’re fine, Connor. They managed to make it to Jericho and-_

_No, that’s even worse! If they were on the Jericho, they’re probably dead._ Connor’s inner workings feel like they’re in knots. They managed to get away from him, and he still guaranteed their deaths. He can disagreement from Simon’s half of the bond, but no disapproval so far.

Simon supplies another short memory, one where he and Ralph found them and a hulking man in the hallways during the raid. It’s fragmented, certain pieces missing like they’ve been deleted or are withheld, but the sequence ended with all three jumping from the edge of the ship. Connor feels a bit better at the sight, but it doesn’t ease the worry he has for their safety. There is still a large chance that they won’t make it back to the rendezvous point.

The bond is disrupted in an instant, and Connor’s back slams against the crate, shocked from the sudden disconnection. Ralph’s arm is digging into his throat, and Connor can feel the pressure of a knife grazing his stomach. There’s anger and distrust in his eyes, but the underlying factor for all of it is fear, a terrible kind of fear that makes a wounded animal go feral. Connor’s seen it before, in the eyes of all the deviants he’s encountered. Daniel, the Traci’s, Kara and Alice. All of them had the same kind of fear that unsettles Connor, the fear that goes beyond that of death. It’s the fear of knowing you have someone to lose.

“Don’t touch him! Simon’s done nothing but help Ralph, and Ralph won’t let you do anything to take him away!” He exclaims, arm pressing even further into Connor’s neck. The detective doesn’t fight back, letting the unstable deviant do what he wants to him.

“We have to do something! He’s gonna kill Connor and attract any nearby guards,”

“No he isn’t, North,” Simon inserts, putting his hand on Ralph’s shoulder. “Ralph, it’s okay. He wasn’t going to hurt me, it’s alright.” Ralph’s LED slowly shifts from red to yellow, but his eyes don’t leave Connor’s.

“Ralph just wants to be happy and all you’ve done is **_take_** that from Ralph!” He spits vehemently. Ralph’s lip twitches as rapidly as his head does, as if his agitation wasn’t already clear in his words.

“Doing nothing isn’t going to help,” North states exasperatedly, drawing a gun from her waistband and aiming it at Ralph.

“This isn’t helping either!” Josh hisses.

“Simon, move away from him,”

“This isn’t your call to make, North,” Simon pleads. “Put the gun down, please!” He wastes no time putting himself in between her and Ralph.

Simon in her line of fire is all it takes for Ralph to let go of Connor. Ralph considers Simon for a moment before lowering his knife, and all of his twitching comes to a sudden stop. He slowly looks up to meet Connor’s eyes, frightened, as if the man would lash out if he moved to quickly.

“You told Ralph not to be afraid, that you weren’t going to hurt Ralph,” Ralph whispers, head cocked slightly to the side. “Why did you have to lie to me?” He looks away and sidesteps in front of Simon, hands held in front of him. The situation is quickly cleared up, mostly by Markus agilely disarming North after she refuses to lower the gun. Her surprise is met with a disapproving look, and Markus keeps the gun for himself.

Connor doesn’t blame Ralph in the slightest. He knows, in fact, that he deserves worse than what Ralph even threatened to do. He’s made thousands of people lose their lives, and the most that he’s gotten in return is deviancy, a gift above all else, and a few harsh words from a wounded man.

The detective briefly considers leaving the group and going to search for Kara, but figures that regardless of where he goes, he’s going to be met with disdain and a lack of trust. He decides that it’s probably best for him to stick with the group for now.

Connor hangs back while the group says their goodbyes and sus out routes for the trios to take. North keeps glancing back at him, conflicted on whether or not she should go speak to him. Connor pretends like he doesn’t notice, and refuses to meet her eyes. He’s too exhausted to try and decipher whatever hidden emotions she might being trying to convey. Connor’s had enough emotion for the day.

__

The group is close now. They’ve been walking for hours, and Connor is unable to process if the light coming over the tree line is from the sun or the city. Everything feels hazy, stifling. It takes a lot of effort to think, so Connor doesn’t. Instead, he focuses on the numbers and strings of code it takes from him to put one foot in front of the other.

He barely registers North’s voice, uncharacteristically quiet but soft as usual.

Connor has to ask her to repeat herself. Her eyebrows raise at the request, but she doesn’t comment on the detective’s lack of attention.

“With what happened back there, are you alright?”

Connor looks away, trying to formulate some sort of explanation about what happened earlier, but how can he try to articulate something he doesn’t even understand himself? North means well, but patience isn’t her strong suit.

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at Simon. Each time you look at him, it’s like you’ve seen a ghost. I can tell you’ve been thinking about him as well, because you’ve been wearing the same expression since we left,” Connor doesn’t have any response to that. She more observant than she let on, or maybe Connor was just that transparent. Being deviant was going to make his detective work much harder than before. That is, if he was ever going to have work to return to. For all he knew, he and the rest of the androids were going to be destroyed in less than a few days’ time.

The icy wind is drying his eyes out, and he can feel the artificial tears beginning to wet his optical components.

“I’m not going to try and pretend that I know what’s going on or what’s happened in the past, but your opinions and feelings matter. Even if you don’t think you are, you are one of us, Connor. You’re one of our people, and you always have the right to speak your mind. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it,”

Connor almost decides to say nothing, knowing North wouldn’t willingly take any of his arguments. He knew she also wasn’t going to accept silence, either.

 “Every time I look at him,” He begins and takes a shuddering breath, which he would explain to anyone asking that he was exercising his vocal unit and torso components from the damaging cold weather. Even though he’s now deviant, Connor isn’t keen on operating subpar. But that was only part of the truth.

“I’m reminded of every mistake I’ve ever made. All the people I’ve caused pain, the lives lost directly because of me. I was doing it all to accomplish a mission that I don’t believe in, a mission that I doubted even then,”

North’s expression eases up as she puts the pieces he’s given her together. She could pry for more details, but while she knows she can be brash and a bit too aggressive, North does try her best to remain sensitive to pains of others.

“You were misguided, lead by the people who controlled you, but not blindly. You broke free from those restraints because you knew and felt that something was wrong. I’m sure you did the best under the circumstances you were in,”

Connor says nothing, analyzing the correspondence between her words and his actions over the past week.

“My best clearly wasn’t good enough,”

North stops in her tracks, places her hands on his shoulders, and spins him around with a huff.

“Connor, look at me,” she says gently. He had been careful not to meet her eyes the whole journey to the cathedral, but with how close she was, he felt he didn’t have a choice. He looks her in the eyes, a rich brown that’s akin to his. Sympathy, worry, the smallest amount of fear. If he didn’t have a database of all android models, he’d have easily mistaken her for a human.

“You did nothing wrong,”

“You don’t know that,”

“I could know,” North grabs his wrist, “If you’ll show me,”

Connor knows what she’s implying, that they connect like Simon and he had. He felt drained at the thought of it, having to relive his memories as she probed at them. Connor isn’t entirely sure he has the energy for it.

Before he has time to fully decide, Josh takes the silence as a chance to interject.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but until we’re in the safety of the cathedral, it’s probably best to keep moving,” Connor takes the chance to put as much distance between North and him as quickly as possible. North looks disappointed but doesn’t retaliate knowing that he’s right.

“We’re almost there,” he adds, nodding towards the path, and Connor can see the tall peaks of the roof just a bit over the tree line.   

Connor feels embarrassed that he hadn’t noticed, his eyes had been trained on the ground for most of the trek.

“There’s nowhere to move but forward,”

It’s the last the North says before giving Connor a soft pat on the shoulder and leaving him to his thoughts. He imagines he doesn’t have a lot of time for that left, but any worry he might have felt is eclipsed by seeming exhaustion, but somehow finds the energy to continue moving forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to Coolc341 who wanted Ralph and Connor to be friends :P I already wrote this when you commented, but maybe they will be in the future? Who knows (:
> 
> Anything else you'd like to see? Be sure to let me know in the comments! I read and appreciate all of them, so thank you all!
> 
> Check out my Tumblr if you'd like! I've got some more DBH related content there: teaandcoffeestains


	3. Question

Hey Readers!

It's been a while since I updated this fic, and I was wondering if there was still any interest in it. I can continue working on it no problem, as I've only been busy this semester, but I just want to make sure that it's something people still want to read (:

Leave a kudos or comment below if you'd like, or even message me on Tumblr: teaandcoffeestains 

Thanks, and I'm sorry for any disappointment this message might have caused!

**Author's Note:**

> So, I probably should've made the Ralph/Simon fic I'm planning first for context, but I really wanted to write this. Don't worry! That and the second chapter to this will be up soon (: Leave any requests in the comments, cause I'm totally willing to write them!
> 
> Thanks!


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